There's a new disease in town! And it ain't AIDS!

Cough cough pass!

You shoulda seen me now, ho! I've been lying here doin' nothin' for almost a week. Straight up! 

Why?! 'Couse I couldn't control myself

 the other week. You know how it iz:

You hook up with some girlfriendz, drink so

me water and liquor and miX it all up real good. After a couple of hours, baby  - You be TIPSY! And of course we didn't stop there! 

My girlfriend said: We gots' a get out! We gots'a

 get OUT!" So we did. 

You don't have to aks me twice! 

I know I got the lookin', and I also got the cookin'. You feel me? 

Well, I met this fellah, he was fly, but ain't nothin' happened. 'Couse all'a sudden this BITCH came to me and started claimin' all k

indz of shiiiit! 

So, I had to take her DOWN! And we ain't talkin' bout down town. We be talkin' DOWN UNDER THIS MOTHA FUCKIN' GROUND, HOMO!

Well, I smacked that bitch up - reeeaaal good! 

But the following day, when I was ready to play,

I felt a little tickle tickle in my throat (and that wasn't because of no deep throat, couse my throat ain't deep)

So I went to the doctor, but even the doctor didn't wanna eXamine me! And when I aksed if I could eXamine HIM, he just gave me t

he weirdo lookin' and said: 

"Baby, you're cookin'. And that ain't positive. You are hot like a freshly baked bread, red like a tomato, stinky like tinkie winkie (you know, the stuffed animal from the children's soap operas?) You gots'a get home, girrl. 'Couse you just got yo'self them 

swine flu!"

SWIIINE FLU?! You gots'a be kiddin' me, boo! 

You be tellin' me that I, Laticia Alfreido Barassa Flippity flop Frenzy got them pork-chop-with-hot-dog-and-some-chili-sauce-dipped-in-vinegar-and-aioli-before-yo

u-grill-them-good flu?

MAN! I didn't have a motha fuckin' clue what I should do. 

So; now that I've been lying here, staring at the mirror that's in the roof above my bed, thinking and dreamin' about the future - I've fig

ured out that it must have been the BITCH I whoopped the other day. Well, bitch; you're gonna pay! I just gots'a get well first, that's all...

And fellahs: please come and visit me. All I can ever think of is them kentucky fried pork chops, big momma's bacon and eggs and all that greasy shit. Bring it on! I need some sugar, sugar!

And momma: where you be at?! You gots a sick child!